I’m still struggling with confidence on Neuf. I’m going to be more strategic in my dealing with my emotions, fears, anxieties and successes and I’m starting with some books. I’ve purchased a book Riding Fear Free and it is interactive, suggesting sitting at the computer or with a pen & paper journal, I’m using my WordPress for this. I am also considering a few sessions with a sports psychologist, but first I’m going to use some self discipline and mental rehearsals.
Levels of fear and learning to recognize them.
Level 1: Broken Confidence – Definitely
Level 2: Functioning Fear – an unhealthy does of this one too
Level 3: Non-functioning Fear – Nope
Level 4: Repressed fear – nope – I put it out there, no repression!
Level 5: Irrational Fear – a touch of this
One important consideration is whether Neuf is the right horse for me to keep. But, I think I am causing myself additional anxiety by putting pressure on myself about a decision, so every time I have a not-perfect ride, I make myself sad, because I mentally jump to “I should sell him”. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life, and if I want a giant pet horse, I can have one (not that we are anywhere close to this).
Starting today, Neuf is mine and instead of daily, wishy-washy worrying and being sad about selling him, I will reassess how I feel, from a big picture when he is 6. I will sit down and have a discussion with my trainer about where we are and if I’m being realistic. Until then, I’m simply going to enjoy him within my comfort zone, hopefully making my comfort zone bigger and bigger.